Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
