I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
