He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
