so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
