i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
