i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
