You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The Olympian is in my bed
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
