i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
