omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
