You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
