Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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