she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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