I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
