I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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