Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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