Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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