My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
