Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
