my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
