doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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