So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
