Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
