Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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