why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
