Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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