You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
