At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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