actually, I'm a sock model
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
