Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
