i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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