Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
