sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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