he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
