I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
