I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
