i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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