my phone needs a breathalizer
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
