I just pynch a tree in the face
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
