Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Be still, my beating vagina.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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