he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
