How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You need a sexual gate keeper
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
