So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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