u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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