DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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