I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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