she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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