exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
