I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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