Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
