Non-Jews are for practice
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
