if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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