I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
