he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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