It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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