well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
