I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
