While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
