The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize