it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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