I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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