and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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