Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
