So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
