I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
