First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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