No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize