Just cropdusted the office
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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