i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
